Tell Me That I'm Ok!

Landscaping

2010-07-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

Check out the work that dominates at least 40 hours of my life every week. It's T1 Earthcare and yes, I'm plugging my own bread and butter profession with this very post. Lawn Maintenance, Landscape Installations, and Yard Renovations are just a few of the projects that we specialize in. You see more about us by visiting our website HERE. We would love to take on whatever project you're imagining. In fact, we'd love to get into your head and imagine it with you. It'll be fun. Contact me! Now!

Grandpa died, but not really

2009-03-05T02:35:00.001-08:00

I woke up early this morning and was pondering my late Grandfather. I was feeling somewhat melancholy because I felt like there were things I wanted to talk to him about, but just never did. Then I realized I had just had been dreaming and that of course he was still alive and kicking about 7 miles down the road. In the dream, there was a courtyard in a secluded corner of a public space. There were trees and plantings and such. It was quite a nice little setup. There were concrete tombs everywhere and another platform in the entryway to this space that had Germany inscribed upon it and also Wilser in another place. I was standing there with my Dad, and his best friend Brian. Oddly enough we had walked here with a man named Roy Crowder and his 3 six foot tall monkeys, although they had disappeared at this point. Roy was a big man you see, so he had to have BIG monkeys. Yeah I know, this is a weird dream.

My grandfather is a genius you have to know. He could probably build you a Blu-Ray Player in a couple of days time just with spare parts he could find in his garage. He will also fix your car, or your clock, or your 747 if you have one. He started a little company called Raleigh Flying Service in 1969 which had over 100 employees at one time in it's tenure. He ran it as a family business for 30 years before finally selling it in 2000. He was an old IBM guy that worked to produce the bar code system way back when. Yeah, I'm talking about the bar code that is on every product you buy in any store in most of the free world. It's possible that he even reads this blog, so this is sort of weird because he might be following along with us right now.

When I was lying there in my bed this morning, I was thinking of things that I wished I had talked to him about. Things like faith and spirituality and what it was like to be involved in World War II. Did he have any cool stories from being there. Hey Grandpa, are you aware that you say cuss words under your breath in almost any situation, like especially when we're driving around trying to find a bathroom because you have to take a steamer? Jerry Bruckheimer could probably make an action movie around my Grandpa's style of cussing. He really is better at swearing than Clint Eastwood, and he never uses the f-bomb. I'm talking old style swearing....the kind that comes with your dignity included.

So anyway, I'm glad that grandpa is still around for a bit longer. He's a cool guy, but very reserved. Maybe he'll open up and talk to me one day. Maybe he'll talk about His thoughts on God, or life or whatever. I hope he does. But if not, I'll just have to embrace the mystery of a man who loved his family in his own way, and left his insides up for interpretation. Not everyone can be as open as this blog you know....Monkeys? Really Alan?

Trendy Acts of Service

2009-03-01T08:27:00.000-08:00

These thoughts are in reflection and summary of a sermon by Jeff Ramsey of Visio Dei Church in Raleigh, NC.

At the heart of my faith, I find a terrible dilemma within my own ability to be who I should be. Within the Western Christian church in general, there is a great pendulum swing between what you might call an emphasis on personal righteousness and conversely on Social Activism. You could also call Social Activism the performing of beautiful deeds to the world around us. These types of things are exemplified in drilling wells, caring for orphans and widows and so on. Few communities of believers have been found to exhibit a healthy balance of the two.

Over the past few years, our particular church community as a whole has become much more concerned with doing the great things around the world and within our community rather than be concerned about behaving perfectly in a personal righteousness sense. Honestly, some of us have enjoyed this position for quite some time, but as months turn into years we find ourselves facing an old problem with a slightly different face. We realize that our attempt to bring God’s goodness to the world around us, the projects in Africa, India, and Nicaragua simply become less and less cool. People stop caring or getting as excited about it. What is happening is that we are beginning to realize that it was all about ourselves in the first place. As we discuss this problem, and really get honest about it, we find that it was a road we had to walk and that ultimately, this new realization is a good one to have. The only problem is that the orphans at the Africa Hope Center are still orphans. The people in the Chinandega region of Nicaragua are still dying from the conditions in which they work, and people are going hungry and thirsty all over the world.

The good side to our problem is that swinging to the “doing beautiful acts” side of things only brings us back to an understanding that it is indeed WE who are broken and seeking to validate or even save our own selves. We find that there is some elusive balance to our lives that we can’t seem to correct, and so we experience God’s grace through Jesus once again in a new way. It is only with this grace that we can pick ourselves up and find center, or at least pursue center once more.

Titus 3:14 speaks of LEARNING to DEVOTE yourself to beautiful deeds. When the author speaks of learning to devote ourselves, He has to be talking about something we could call Conviction. Once this trendy good feeling wears off, you can either quit your efforts and go do whatever makes you happy, or you can revisit the true reason why your formerly trendy mission is in fact a good and beautiful thing and that perhaps Jesus Himself may have loudly or even with subtlety called you to this work.

I’m pretty convinced that any person who follows Jesus will come to this Crossroads at some point in their life, maybe even several times.

May we take the road towards maturity and allow our trends to become CONVICTIONS.

Far too young.....Kristi Winters Walker

2009-02-13T09:05:00.000-08:00

I just heard a few minutes ago that an old friend from my formative years passed away this morning after a short but aggressive battle with Cancer. She was 29 years old and had 3 kids. The cancer hid behind the cloak of her 3rd pregnancy. The sickness was simply thought to be a part of maternity. Who would imagine a 29 year old healthy mother of two could possibly have something like this living inside of her.

She was a person of faith in Jesus Christ, and I'm confident that she is now experiencing something more beautiful than we can imagine. In more relative terms than we can feel or understand, we're not that far behind her. I take stock of my life today.....and I hope that you do the same.

Kristi Winters Walker.....we thank you for all that you are and we look forward to seeing you again!

What was Inauguration?

2009-01-20T19:40:00.000-08:00

It's a new beginning. It's a changing of the guard. Webster's Dictionary says it is the act of starting a new operation or practice. I can't say that I voted for Barack Obama this past November, but I was certainly struck with a degree of awe today. There was something that shook me when I saw the two most recent Presidents of our country embracing and treating each other with such dignity and mutual respect. I think back to just a few months ago when I was in the capital city of Nicaragua. There were men protesting the current administration on a Rotunda with masks over their faces. They feared there very lives if certain people were to recognize them.

When these two Presidents who differ in so many ways can show that much love and respect for each other, I feel very proud to call myself an American. I'm proud of George W. Bush and equally proud of President Obama. If only the rest of the world could conduct their disagreements as cordially and respectfully. Well then, that world would be quite a better place.

We've been glued to the TV most of the day and I'm restless. I don't want to go to sleep, but I can't watch TV anymore either. I need a problem. I need something to fix. I want to die for something higher than myself . I suppose that's what today's inauguration was for me. It was a reminder that we've got a part to play, a reminder that the forces of evil aren't taking a break today, and neither can we.

to faith would be freedom

2008-12-30T08:46:00.001-08:00

I'm aware of a faith that is not adhered to or believed in, but rather lived. A faith that is intertwined with everything you are. If only His love would bleed from us all of the time. If only we would follow Him that hard. I'm tired of talking about it, dancing around it, and then putting it away as if it were an old algebra II textbook. I want to jump from it's steepest rim and never look back......maybe I will.

2008-08-27T07:43:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I sit in coffee shops on rainy days and wonder what the heck I'm supposed to be doing. That's today I mean. Sure, I've got work I can do, but it's the kind of work that could easily be passed off til tomorrow. Days like today for a guy in landscaping send your head spinning. A lot of why questions. Why are some people so lazy that they live on the street and just start asking for money when they get hungry or need a drink. Why am I here in Raleigh landscaping when I could be down in Nicaragua helping those kids learn how to develop and sustain business. Then the HOW questions come in. How can I get back down there. How can I make my lawn care business work and not have to spend 40 hours a week doing it? These are the questions that pervade me today. Oh well, I had better get back to doing something productive.

Getting Down to Business

2008-02-16T19:55:00.000-08:00

It seems that Casey and I will be sticking around the Raleigh Area for a couple of years at least. I am currently launching a new business here in the Triangle. T1 Earthcare is a basic lawn care maintenance business and green is our new favorite color! I haven't figured out how to greenify (which may not actually be a real word) this new venture other than running my work vehicles on Vegetable Oil powered Diesel engines. We'll get there though. I may try to offer gas free lawn maintenace which would run the customer about double the cost of the conventional mowers and 2 cycle equipment. Sort of impractical, but I'm thinking about how to make it work. For now, we'll be piecing our consciences together as we continue to burn gasoline in most of our equipment.

Earthcare probably gives you a good feel for the nature of the work but T1 is a little less self-explanatory. The T is short for Tzedakah and 1 indicating that this is the first of many Tzedakah sanctioned small-business efforts.

Tzedakah is an ancient Hebrew word that refers to a set of social practices that make an interesting blend of two of our English words that may not seem to fit together. Tzedekah wraps together the significance of Charity and Justice. If you take our western meanings of these words and sort of blend them together; then you can begin to understand the principles of Tzedakah. There are 8 levels of Tzedakah and each of them is a graduated expression of providing justice and charity in a socio-economic sense. For instance; the lowest level of Tzedakah refers to giving unwillingly and the highest level of Tzedakah is the process of helping someone to become financially independent to the degree that the helped party may turn around and give Tzekakah to another person who is in need. If I could define Tzedakah in one sentence; I would say that it is exercising ethical and gracious business practice while giving responsibly to the poor. I say responsibly because it is so easy to splash into the welfare side of things which is usually more hurtful than helpful.

You're probably wondering how a small business has a whole lot to do with helping anyone and the truth is that T1 Earthcare is really just a gateway into the world of small-business for me. As far as the government knows about; this is the first time I've set out to work for myself. I shamefully admit that I did earn unreported dollars as a youngster with a business that I named "Automassage", which involved detailing cars and airplanes. I hope that you and the IRS will forgive me. The holistic purpose of T1 Earthcare is that it will provide me with the necessary experience and funding to begin other projects in the developing world (likely Nicaragua). The greatest problems that I observe in that country revolve around poor economy and the lack of simple business knowledge. When people are not busy working, a multitude of problems present themselves. One of the leading causes of the spread of HIV/AIDS in Africa is attributed to the lack of work which leaves people bored and with little to do other than have sex.

Myself and a handful of other Christ Followers in the area have a vision to see the poorest of places improved through small business. I can't think of a better way of sharing the love of Jesus than by providing a better standard of living to the developing places in this world. This is where the person of Jesus is currently leading T1 Earthcare. I pray that our vision will be blessed and that we will have the courage to see it through.

I hope you're as stoked about T1 Earthcare as I am. Being so far away from the developing world, it's hard to believe that this is good and that God could smile at this. In all honesty, I am deathly scared that what is meant to be a beautiful thing will turn into the pursuit of wealth. A goal that will destroy everything that T1 Earthcare is supposed to be. I pray that God will protect his people (especially me) from becoming consumed with money. The problem is that I can seek all of the things of this world and make it look like following Jesus and I need to be rescued from that. Who will save me?

1 year later.....

2007-12-20T05:43:00.000-08:00

I'm home again and 2007 is almost gone and Nicaragua remains to be a 3rd world country. It's been one of the most intense years of my life. Many thank you's to all of the people who have set me up to be able to do this. I pray that every year from now until my death will be this good. An adventure spurred on by a great gift that I could never deserve, yet it's always becoming duty in the moment. I find myself all too often oblivious to my purpose, and the God that inspires me more elusive than ever. I'm certain that this year was my greatest yet. This is true despite it being also the hardest. I'm not sure that I even understand how that could be, but it is.

Bethel, Nicaragua is ultimately the same place it was a year ago and in many ways I'm ok with that, but don't we all want to be heroes in the places where we give our lives? Is this feeling from God? Is it ok to want to be recognized or is this evidence of a part of me that wants to be God? It doesn't matter what move I make, there is tension from all sides. The equation is not simple; many unknowns remain and I certainly haven't fine tuned life.......only complicated it if anything. When I look at the person of Jesus; I remember him asking his father in the Garden of Gethsemane if there was any other way. This tells me that even if a person walks perfectly in this world; the friction will still exist. This tension is not necessarily a problem that we're creating for ourselves; although we're all surely contributing. If the world was perfect; Jesus wouldn't have been so torn that night. His sword continues to divide me as long as I seek him. The only thing that hurts worse is complacency.

As the year comes to a close, I celebrate a God who's goodness I can trust. I also celebrate that there is a non-profit organization representing this God in an obscure part of Nicaragua. They are providing poor people with medicine, financial aid to widows, and jobs to a people who lack training and opportunity. This is a good thing and I hope that you'll celebrate with me.

Grace and Peace to you in 2008!

Credits:

1. Thanks to Delta Airlines for keeping me alive during 4 different trips......and also for encouraging me to leave a surfboard in Nicaragua forever!
2. Thanks to my parents for adopting my illegitimate son Rufio for the past year.
3. Thank you to all my financial benefactors for making missionary work my most lucrative business venture yet! J/k.....
4. Josh Pease for showing me that being poor is cool
5. and finally to Casey McLamb for agreeing to live with me for a very long time.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Sal y Limon

2007-11-24T14:08:00.001-08:00

We’re getting close to ready here at the project. I’m pretty sure that we’ll be housing the inaugural guests at the Bethel Mission Center in Chinandega, Nicaragua come December 1st. I’m only a tiny bit concerned that some of our current inhabitants will not jive well with North American Christians. It’s not so much religious differences or political strife that I’m worried about. The real issue is biting. That’s right! The locals bite and the visitors squish…..or squash. Both of these guys have been found stowing away in our digs in just the past two weeks. A motley crew indeed but good neighbors if you ask me. We’ll see how it goes between these two exotic groups. In any case; I doubt that it’s going to be a gracious example of co-laboring in the name of the Lord.

I once heard a smart man say that “we already are”. Already are in the sense of preaching the gospel or spreading the good memo. It’s the idea that telling people about Jesus occurs in every aspect of our lives. It’s not just a four-step presentation, or a compilation of Bible verses that lead a person through a near-sighted picture of what might occur in someone’s heart and mind as they come into the family of God. I’ve found this reality to be incredibly necessary among a people that can more easily evaluate my character than my theology. The idea is that my current Theology would transform my behavior to be more and more congruent with Jesus himself, the fruits of the spirit or “good moral character” if you don’t speak Christian. Most everyone in my path here either claims “Christianity” or is very familiar with some sort of “Christian” church and how things work within that particular organization. In my village; I’m considered a missionary and yet my daily activities probably confound the average church person. They don’t find me in the church every night; they don’t hear me saying “Glory to God” and “Yes, I’m doing fine, Gracias a Dios!”. I don’t say “God bless you” to every person I encounter all day long. I also hire non-church people to work at the project with me. I wear shorts; listen to weird music, and don’t speak with overwhelming and unusual respect towards pastors. I’m probably in need of a some good ole fashion “saving” as far as the church people are concerned. I hope that I’m effectively communicating Jesus through my actions. Sometimes I get this desire to raise my voice with the details of my Theological standpoints in order to substantially validate a spiritual element of my work here in Bethel. To validate it unto to people like you I mean. I just couldn't quite bring myself to do it. If I’m going to do anything good here; it will not likely emanate from a pulpit; and it’s not going to seem all that "Missionary like" either. This is how things are going and it feels just about right.

Getting to the title of this blog; I’ve got a mixture of salt and lime on my feet. It’s a local remedy for Pica Pica. Pica Pica being the native terminology for an allergic reaction to a some elusive ecological specimen. I haven’t identified the culprit as of yet but it’s more or less Poison Ivy. You scratch the affected area with aggression and then apply the salt coated lime with equal fervor. Yes, it burns. But I’m supposed to be all better after two days..........I’ll let you know.

Status 11.11.07

2007-11-11T14:24:00.000-08:00

We’re about 19 days away from a tight deadline and I’ve finally got a task that I might be able to complete on time. The mission center at our little business park is still a far cry from complete; but we’re almost capable of accommodating a small group for the first time ever! It would be a rustic experience lacking any resemblance of luxury, but if we can somehow get light and water online by December 1st then I’ll be a happy kid. We’ve also got to get the café ready for our cook that she might adequately feed our group of 12 gringos! Pray that I’ll be able to juggle the necessary balls in order to make everything happen in time.

As an abnormally long side note: I’m getting sick of having to reply with a “no” to the almost daily illegitimate requests of certain people. You tell someone no and then you’re their enemy. There are a few people in the village that don’t wave back to me anymore and it’s sad. (most of them take it pretty well though) They ask me for things that I don’t feel right about giving. Things that they can and should take care of on their own and I feel justified in denying their requests. My biggest desire for any people group in a developing country is that they would become self-sufficient. This means that any aid of mine that discourages them from progressing on their own; is the wrong move on my part. My purpose for being here is ultimately to glorify God and make His name great! The greatest way that I feel I can do this is to help them become sustainable within themselves. It sucks because they can’t see it when I’m telling them “no” and my Spanish isn’t quite good enough to explain my reasoning. I suppose this is just a part of my life here that I’ll have to get used to. The worst part is that I think about this every time I buy an ice cream cone or spend $8.00 on dinner! Every time a kid asks me for one cordoba on a street corner. I have eight in my pocket that I could just as easily throw in the gutter; what’s wrong with me? It can’t be this hard!

If I could only return to the bliss that is so constantly fleeting………

In Between Life

2007-11-09T10:33:00.000-08:00

As I sit here at the Costa Rica Airport in San Jose listening to Jack Johnson lament over the whereabouts of all the good people, I find myself in the most unexpected state of peace that I’ve experienced for a long time. It's almost as if my layover in this quaint airport finds me between two pieces of life, or in a gap in time. Across the runway rises a set of green mountains graced by puffy white clouds which are about to take on the purples and pinks of their sun drenched neighbors of only a few miles away to the West. The scene somehow brings back fond memories of so many sunsets and even more sunrises at Raleigh-Durham International Airport. It was there where my father, grandfather, brother, and uncle once worked so hard together to boost flight after flight of TWA, Northwest, and Continental’s schedule in and out of our peaceful and fair RDU. The memories are fond and, as I see and hear the roar of the MD-80s and and 737s blasting away; I somehow feel a part of it all. Those early mornings and late evenings were such an exciting time for a young boy as I seemed to have more responsibility on my shoulders than most of my friends who were likely at home shooting hoops or trying to master the last level of The Legend of Zelda.

I could almost get lost in this sunset. If this felt any more right than it does now, I would walk out of this airport, catch a bus to Tamarindo, buy a new board, and surf my shoulders out of socket. Yet, in the back of my mind, I know that I will press on. The little piece of God that seems to exist inside me knows that I must work. It is intertwined into who I am. Surfing or traveling without aim would never satisfy me forever. And so I know that this moment of bliss is meant to be enjoyed in the now. It will fade within minutes. Here it began…..and here it will end. Jack play a song, and Jesus lead on.

Big day......little ring

2007-10-30T15:08:00.000-07:00

How do you get engaged in a city where you have no control, no familiarity, and generally no clue of where to go and what to do? I would have much rather been able to plan everything and cover all the angles to ensure a perfect moment, but c'mon! There has got to be some credit due for flying to Bogota, Colombia! So, you want all the mushy details right? Sorry folks, there are some things that are said under the breath of this world, and will remain hidden until the unfolding of all things.......whenever that is.

Well, I'm not a diamond guy. I'm not a one-knee guy, and I'm also not a restaurant guy! So, I held true to 2 of the 3. No diamond! No knee! But the restaurant was A+. It was a French place with a menu translated in Spanish! That's great! What the heck are champiñones anyway? Despite the unpredictable setting, on October 29th at 7:30 PM, Bogota Time, somewhere between tilapia and cinnamon laced fruit dessert.......... between the Equator and the Tropic of Cancer.......and between love and insanity. I became engaged to a wonderful young woman from Clinton, NC.

Now that a few days have passed since the blessed event; I can't imagine this happening anywhere else. The last two days as we've walked into the cafeteria at lunchtime, we've been greeted with a raging and rowdy applause. This is seamlessly followed by the traditional "duhn duhn duh duh" wedding tune by the entire Elementary School at El Camino here in Bogota! I doubt there is another crowd in the world that would have given us such a warm ovation.

So, we're happy, the families seem ecstatic, and we hope that you too are in high spirits and look forward to the many babies, surfing lessons, and soccer games that are sure to ensue. Lots of love to everyone who has been there along the way!

Alan and Casey

Columbus to the North; Pilgrims to the South

2007-10-21T14:59:00.000-07:00

I was recently having conversation with an American friend who was here in Nicaragua about anything from Seinfeld being the funniest man alive to hydrogen fuel economy and a shocking statement came out of this man’s mouth. I’ve never heard anyone say this before in my life. Let me preface by saying that I respect this gentleman immensely and He is has taught me a great deal. In a lot of ways I could model myself after Him. He is intelligent, caring, wise, a family man, entrepreneurial, sensitive, and yet as brash as any man should be. I’m not saying that I disagree with what He said; it’s only that it seemed far too blanket to hold water. I needed more than just that. I’ve got to know if there is validity to this. I should have forced him to walk me through all of the Theology that has led him to this place because if it’s true; my current thoughts of how God dishes out his blessing are surely flawed and I need to change. Actually, I’m quite sure that if this is true; the domino effect of what all else must be true is too much for me to fathom right now.

So……….if Columbus had landed at Plymouth Rock bringing Catholicism in full force to North America and the Pilgrims had landed somewhere in Central/South America bringing a liberated Lutheran based group of Puritans along with a better understanding of God’s grace and such. The nations would be completely flip flopped in terms of economic prosperity, militaristic strength, and religious make-up.

Now, the religious make-up I can understand; but does that necessarily mean that there couldn’t have been certain sparks that would have flown in the brains of smart Spaniards that would have led to an industrial revolution of sorts and sent economic prosperity sky-rocketing in a Spanish dominated North America. Could there have been different circumstances in the South that would have propelled Spanish prosperity in spite of their Catholic religion which is not wholly based in the grace of Jesus Christ. I’ve lately believed that God ultimately allows the world to move and change in it’s own way without bestowing blessings based on merit. I rather believe that God changes people from within allowing them to become liberated spiritually from the bondage of their own sin which creates a sort of peace and beauty that cannot necessarily be seen in the context of an entire nation or people group. I have believed that God’s desire to know and transform people from within changes the way that they interact with their surrounding culture and economy within their specific locale. We all know that on a personal level; our relationship with Jesus Christ doesn’t necessarily translate into wealth. In fact; Jesus himself claimed that he had no place to lay his head. His disciples didn’t seem to become healthy, wealthy, and wise but rather dead, poor, and wise! They say that two out of three ain’t bad and but I’m going to say that 1 out of 3 in this field is probably quite bad. Ok, so I’m comparing the success of God’s people as a whole to the individual which perhaps is unfair and not a given. I’m willing to entertain that they should be looked at differently. Open my eyes! Anybody?

The problem is; I’m finding it hard to believe that God blessed the United States as a whole b/c it was based in the truth of the word of God. Let’s look at the countries of the world that are the most economically healthy and also blessing the world through their giving per capita. (I say that b/c I think that if you can identify that the majority of a nation boasts Christianity then you also need to look at their giving as a group to determine some sort of validity) Are these nations also “Christian” in that they are nations who are predominately claiming the truth of God in that the rescue of the world is only found in Jesus Christ? That would be a good start I think. If I can see that God is blessing “as a whole” all of the people groups that are collectively “following Him”. I’ll buy it. Otherwise; I think that this outlook is false. As it stands; I don’t think that God’s FINANCIAL or ECONOMIC blessing on people or (people groups / Nations) rests in their ability to “Follow Him”.

Now watch me change my mind here……

BUT, BUT, BUT if God wants to bring His Kingdom of Heaven here to earth and if God originally built this place perfect and Rob Bell’s ideas regarding the New Heaven and the New Earth working in perfect harmony because everyone is pulling their own weight and doing the things that God has designed them to do. THEN, THEN, THEN, perhaps it is true. Perhaps following the ways of Jesus which INCLUDES prevailing Justice in the world “all of the time”. The blessing would be in and of itself; the result of perfect harmony in the world. Perhaps our shot at life here the NEW WORLD being rooted in Jesus was one of the best attempts lately (in the past 2000 years) at the Kingdom of Heaven coming here on the earth. Now that other ideologies or Faith Systems (mostly a Darwinesque, Relativist, Atheism or Agnosticism) are seemingly taking over in the US; are we maybe losing some ground and ultimately following the path of destruction that has prevailed since Adam bit the apple. OR, OR, OR perhaps there is a new framework for what we used to call “REVIVAL” being laid down that could potentially bring the US and/or the world again closer to the Kingdom of God. I’m not exactly sure what the Bible claims about my next statement, but it seems to me that if this world doesn’t become the Kingdom that God intends it to be; then it will have to be destroyed. Sidenote: I’m pulling for it not to be destroyed!

Perhaps there is validity to his statement then. I’ve actually had to write myself through this to get to where I’m at. If you’re reading; you’re actually seeing my thought process an it may have confused the crap out of you. I could keep this to myself and a few close friends, or I could send it into the blogosphere for comment. I suppose holding it to myself and allowing more time to fine tune my thoughts would be sort of selfish and self serving. I could put a lot more into this and make myself look pretty smart. But this is a journey that the world must all take together and so I think I’m going to go ahead and release this out there………even if it does portray my own personal ignorance.

Comments please? I’m sure many of you have already thought much of this through are much further along than I.

Pedro goes to camp!

2007-10-18T15:47:00.000-07:00

I am at this moment a part of the most dysfunctional youth retreat in the history of my life. Between busted lips and broken jawbones; we’ve had some good times. The kids in my cabin woke up at 4:00 am yesterday morning for no other reason than to start talking to each other. WHAT! Are you kids serious? Shut up and go back to sleep. Us gringos still cannot fathom the purpose of this odd phenomenon.

Honestly though, I think it’s going wonderfully despite being completely unprepared for our group. Everything was a little off from the moment that our group of 85 adults with about 15 or so teenagers magically transformed into 100 teenagers and about 20 adults. Our guest speaker who had prepared for an older crowd had to shift his content and delivery style in an all too impromptu instant of about 45 minutes between their arrival and his first talk. His series is broken up into about 6 different 80-90 minute talks and even through the gaps in my Spanish; it is obvious that he’s doing a masterful job. The crowd is his and their respect he has won. The real battle I think is in the hearts and minds of the pastors who have been here as chaperones. They asked to speak to Dave the other night and told him that all this grace business sounds like the liberalism of which they’ve been warned all of their lives. His responses to them are introspective, clever, and poignant but caring. These pastors have pretty much received one main line of teaching their whole lives. They’ve never been confronted with different ways of thinking within their “Christian World”. Catholicism is the closest thing but they keep a stark distance from that and the only other camp is the drunks, and/or sexually immoral smokers who talk dirty! That’s it! There’s not a lot of in between. It’s hard for many of us to understand their position as we’ve been exposed to so many different factions within our own faith. So many different lines of thinking that we’ve gotten to a point where we have in many cases efficiently defined what we call closed hand and open hand issues. All this talk of women wearing pants not being a sin is throwing everyone for a loop. The big issue of course is not who can wear pants so much as what it means to be “saved”. I almost hate the word b/c I feel like every time I use it I need to explain myself. Then I get worried b/c I’m not so sure that I can properly define what it means to be saved. I suppose by saved I just mean the moment in time when a person comes into a trusting relationship with God. By “trusting relationship” I mean that there must be some sort of understanding that God has it all together and we don’t. Jesus was somehow God in the flesh and by any attempt to follow him I am trusting in him to take care of all of my evil and allow me to live with him in his kingdom forever and ever…….something like that. There is so many different pieces to the story like “substitutional atonement” and such but I’m still not quite sure how to define the bare minimum of what goes on in a persons heart and mind before it’s all good. In fact; I don’t really even want to use the term bare minimum b/c I so value the knowledge of God and His world because I believe that good orthodoxy helps move us toward good orthopraxy, which is sort of a made-up word and I’m just going to shut up now. ANYWAY, the point of saying all this is that most of the church in Nicaragua believes that you lose your “saving relationship” with God every time you screw up to a certain degree. The problem with that is that there is no real basis for how much “messing up” or how large of a sin one must commit before they are ousted out of the kingdom. The church leadership at large has a pretty easy time of defining it in the moment, but “Where’s the list?” Seriously, where is God’s master list of offenses accompanied with their appropriate punishment. Seriously, this is a problem in itself but it is probably more evident of a deeper problem.

I won’t even start into this “deeper problem” but the beautiful thing is that all of their one-line ideologies are being attacked head on with “I don’t dare say truth” but at least what I would say is far closer to the truth than what they presently consider. Many of these pastors are shaken to the core I believe,and they are experiencing an inner conflict that I would hope will open up a continuing dialogue and a quest for knowledge. The biggest point that our speaker Dave Waters is driving home revolves around two questions.

1. Is there anything I can do to make God love me more?
2. Is there anything I can do to make God love me less?

Great questions for this group. I hope and pray that they will continue to seek and I hope they’ll be willing to challenge everything they’ve ever learned. If a people is not willing to do that; there can be no growth. They are not progressing but rather dying….....a sinking ship. My prayer is that they would not be. I’m excited today b/c I can see these people’s hearts being stirred and I see the goodness of what may come of these words being adopted. I know that the freedom and beauty of God’s grace has changed my life. May it be the same in your church here in Nicaragua Lord. Do what only You can do. Amen.

no more wetness!!!!

2007-10-16T20:30:00.001-07:00

It hasn’t rained this much since Forrest Gump! I’m not kidding when I say it’s rained from Tuesday Night at 7:00pm until today. (Sunday morning). I’m not sure but I’d say we’ve taken close to 20” this week. I’m not really sure how my village isn’t under water. My sincere apologies to The Aggies of North Carolina. I wonder how much money 20” of rain is worth to you guys. I’d send it your way if I could….just be glad that you can actually dry your clothes. Now that the rain is gone; I’m off to help run a retreat for Bethel’s local church somewhere outside Managua. I hope our crew can get some work done this week without Mario’s truck and my gringo purse. Uggghhh!

Slow days

2007-10-16T20:13:00.000-07:00

I must be getting used to the slow unproductive life here in Central America because it took a visitor to prompt me to even think of writing this blog. I’ve said before that we in the United States are very much into productivity. Now, productivity is not a bad thing I’d say. I love being productive, getting things done is what drives me to some degree. But when I came to Nicaragua as former Project Engineer, I had certain expectations that were completely blown out the water. I really had to learn to be content with less forward motion.

For example.....

Allow me to walk you through a somewhat typical day that occurred this past week. My friend and pastor Jeff was in town and we had just dropped off a repaired radiator to be reinstalled in Vision Nicaragua’s little Toyota Tacoma truck and we were heading out of Chichigalpa to run another errand. We were stopped by the local Police at one of their many random checkpoints. The police notice that Mario’s safety inspection is out of date and decide that the truck should be locked up in the local baseball stadium until we get our inspection taken care of. A friendly neighborhood Policias escorts us to the stadium and Mario jumps on a bus to Chinandega to begin sorting things out while Jeff and I walk back to the village (this takes a good 45 minutes). Later that day; I ride my bike back into town where we pick up the little truck and then go run the rest of Mario’s errands and call it a day.

Wednesday morning comes and we’re off early to the Police Station to get some papers and then on to pay for the inspection at the bank (b/c why would you actually pay for an inspection at the inspection station?). Upon arriving at the Inspection Station, they inform us that they can’t do anything until 2:30 in the afternoon when the power comes back on. This is starting to cause problems now because we have 8 of the “sick men” to take to the doctor at 2:30 in the afternoon.

2:00 PM: We load 11 of the sick men into our little truck and take them to their appointment. Once again we go to the Inspection Station where we sit around waiting for an hour and then back to the Police Station where we’re sent out to get something else. We continue to come and go from the Police Station three more times in pursuit of the new piece of the puzzle. Each time we come to the station; they send us out for one more thing. Why couldn’t they just give us the comprehensive list the first time? Uggggh! It’s like they enjoy watching you crumble in frustration. We finally get everything we need and just barely make it to the stadium by 5:00 pm when the guards leave their post. Whew! What a day and a half! And do you want to know the worst part of all of this running around for an inspection? NOTHING WAS EVER INSPECTED!

Shameless fundraising

2007-09-28T11:37:00.000-07:00

This is a blog that is written as an accompaniment to a fund raising email that I have recently sent to a select few people who have shown interest in supporting me as I work in a rural community located in Nicaragua. If you did not receive this email; feel free to read on anyway.

As brief as I can be.....

In 1998, Hurricane Mitch blew up the unfortunate isthmus of Honduras, Guatemala, Nicaragua, and parts of Mexico. A few people from Western NC were dispatched down to help piece together the aftermath. As the wreckage began to subside; they were directed to a refugee village where hundreds of people were living in little shanties made of sticks and plastic. Many were without work, the children with no means of educations, and very few with hope. Vision Nicaragua has since built homes for everyone in the village; erected a school, and provided sponsorships for students, sick men, and widows. As problems are solved, the organization continues to take on new ones in a full-fledged attempt at developing this community.

Many of the men who do have work are employees of a massive Sugar Cane Plantation owned by the richest man in Nicaragua. These men are out among the cane fields all day with no source for water other than irrigation systems laced with contaminants. I've seen reports that the chemicals include Arsenic, DDT, and several other harmful substances. These men contract a disease known as Creatinina which attacks the kidneys. Many of these men die at a very young age. They are also monitored closely by the plantation and when the disease begins to weaken them; they are fired and sent home with a small sum of money. This is in exchange for years of service that ultimately amount to a death sentence.

As this story was unfolding, I am advancing in my life at a pace very acceptable to my peers. My stability is rising with every paycheck and every incremental rise of the insulated housing market of the Greater Triangle Area. This did not sit well with me however, as began to read the story of the Rich Young Ruler in Matthew, Mark, and Luke. I knew that I was him, and that Jesus was asking me a question. I also believed that in the most incredibly beautiful but weird way; this God had come to earth, found me in my shortcomings, and took my portion of this world's evil upon himself. He spoke into the deepest desires of my heart and He wanted to satisfy them. This led me to see that I'd already been given everything I really needed and a whole lot more. I wanted to pour something back out. I learned through scripture and logic that God cares deeply for the poor and oppressed peoples of this world and that He would want me to reach out to them if I could. I didn't really know what to do with these thoughts, but ultimately they led me here. Don't think that I am knocking on those of you who are steadily advancing your careers at home in US. If it weren't for you; I would have no reason to post this blog.

Vision Nicaragua has since begun efforts to create a small business park including a bakery/cafe, bike shop, welding shop, and block factory. This project serves as a way for the sick and dying men of Bethel, Nicaragua to work outside of the Sugar Cane Plantation. It also will allow the younger ones to avoid this disease that continues to claim their father's lives. This is where I enter the scene. For most of this year; I will have been and continue to be helping to make this business park a reality in the role of a Project Coordinator. If you would like to help me out financially. Please email me at awilser@gmail.com and I will graciously accept.

lots of love,
alan

What do you desire?

2007-09-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

So often my faith that is popularly known as Christianity; is pegged as a social convention meant to conform it's followers into well behaved people. To make people "ACK RIGHT". If you know what I'm saying. This sits with me about like a bowl of tomato soup with cocoa puffs. I see a Jesus who is calling into my deepest desires. I see a world created as the most perfect and satisfying array of beauty that my eyes could ever behold. I see a wife so pure and beautiful that I could never doubt her and almost never take my eyes off. I feel the presence of a God sometimes who wants so badly to fulfill every desire of my heart. He speaks words of truth into my being and tells me that I'm made with his majestic qualities wrapped into every fiber. He says that I'm unique and complex and that my life holds great purpose. He wants to say this to every one of us, I believe. The flipside is that there is another power at work, and it is in full opposition to this one, yet it always looks so very appealing. I sit in a happy place today. A place where I know that I'm being redeemed and that I'm very very loved. I want to invite the world into this with me, but so often, I dont' know how.

light weight

2007-09-17T20:28:00.000-07:00

So Josh came over to watch Monday Night Football tonight. I think the Skins are going to take care of the Eagles. Although, the Eagles are moving down the field pretty well late in the 4th quarter. Josh fell asleep at Halftime. What a weenie! Does anyone like IPAs? These beers are pretty intense. Very hoppy I think you would say. I set out tonight to write the most random blog of all time. LaDainian Tomlinson is a very hard name to spell........correctly.

Go Team!

Sean Pratt inspired,
alan

as quiet as He needs to be

2007-09-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

I've been wondering about God's silence lately and I'm rediscovering his gentle voice in my life. I'm beginning to wonder if God becomes more and more silent as our lives come into pace with his and louder and louder the further off we are. I'm not so sure that this is the rule for all humans and actually I'm quite sure that it's not as Jesus rarely did anything the same way twice and never abdicated formulas for anything. (maybe prayer but that's arguable) So I've just read an article about Mother Teresa and her struggles with doubt. The premise of her experience is that she heard from God all the time. She heard a specific call to go to Calcutta and as we all know, she went. MT tells us that God has hardly spoken since she arrived in Calcutta some 50 years ago. This has understandably led to some considerable doubt in her spiritual life. I find a great deal of comfort in knowing that even the Great Momma T has experienced this. I know what she's feeling and it's so whack that God operates the way He does.....(or maybe it's me thats whack), but the point is that guys like John Eldredge always talk about these little things that they know are God, like finding a huge elk skull in the brush as He walks through the woods. You can also note my dolphin experience the other day. Things that most men would consider luck or coincidence. I ponder the validity of these things and I hold my very own experiences in suspicion while reveling in the beauty of their truth. I don't know why I feel entitled to celebrate the truth of the miraculous in my life while harboring some doubt as to whether or not God is directly behind it, but I do. All this to say that God has been ever real in my life this past week and yet I've been so terribly unfaithful to Him of late. I actually worked this past week which is due in part to the fact that I'm about to raise some support and I felt like I needed to be a part of that. On the other hand I just enjoy manual labor to some degree and how cool is it to be paid for hanging out with your boys , building stuff, and getting paid for it. Anyway, I held an incredible amount of guilt for my poor discipline in a few areas and yet I knew this guilt was from something beyond me. It has to be God. The things that I'm dealing with have absolutely zero to do with my relationships with other people on this earth and yet I'm feeling so horrible about myself. I suppose that is some sort of evidence to my faith and if there so exists this faith then why is my affection towards Jesus so very well forgotten these past few weeks. We are currently discussing movement beyond emotion at Visio Dei. So what does that mean. I suppose it means that as long as we're doing GOOD THINGS in our community and our world b/c we feel moved by some video with a kid crying over his dead brother or some song on Sunday morning that really felt good to sing; our efforts will not endure. They will exist only somewhere within our convenience. There must be something much deeper at the core of our movement. There must be a deep conviction that something must be done and you are the one to do it. What will move us to point? It must be a living God that has literally blown you away with his love for you. We may be the type of people that just want to help, but where does a long lasting conviction really stem from? I'm going to argue that it stems from a love that we've already been given. I don't know how someone continues to stay true despite 50 years of silence from the God that drives her. I don't get it but I certainly have to applaud it.

and God surfaced

2007-09-08T07:35:00.000-07:00

I went surfing at Emerald Isle this morning which isn't the greatest surf spot ever but, there is a decent ground swell coming in from a tropical system out in the Atlantic. I paddled out around 8:30 or so and I was all alone in the water except for a few other surfers a few hundred yards to the south. The lines were coming in very clean and the wind was slightly off-shore so things were setting up quite nicely, at least for an NC beach. Everything was closing out rather quickly, but it was definitely worth it just to be out. The sun was climbing up the horizon and things couldn't have been much more beautiful. I had turned to face the beach for just a brief second and then heard something behind me. I turned to realize that a dolphin was surfacing only 10 ft away from me. The 8 foot long mammal shot air and water through it's blowhole and I simply couldn't believe it. As long as I've been swimming and surfing in the ocean I've wanted to get close to a dolphin. It was an incredibly special moment for me.....almost as if God just wanted to me to have it. It was like He said, "Alan, watch this. You're going to love this........and then what, a dolphin right there. "God, I think you just talked to me. In any case, I hope we can do this again some time, perhaps next Tuesday. Yes, more dolphins next Tuesday. Great, I'll see ya there."

a bit lost

2007-08-19T15:05:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to learn that the more I find myself, the more lost I really am. From leaving my job and my home, to Nicaragua and back a few times, with a cross-country grease bus trip mixed somewhere in between. The world seems less and less like Heaven and more and more like it was supposed to be. I find that there is death in all of it and yet pockets of beauty alive everywhere I look. Some are wider than others and some more grand! California is home to the smog of LA and also the seals and sea lions who drape themselves across pure beaches that touch the bluest of waters I've ever seen. People scour the trash dumps of Nicaragua for food and live among ashes while fighting disease. Yet in the midst of this all this, the most beautiful flower I've ever seen creeps out through the waste......as if to say, "I'm still here". Oregon was the most beautiful state I'd ever seen, and yet it was almost the only place where I was turned down for grease at a restaurant. If the whole world was created good, then things must have progressively gotten worse; I wonder if they have yet begun to get better. Are we on the up and up? Is the kingdom of heaven really at hand?

This weight of the imperfect hits me today. I feel it as if it's something real. More than anything, I want to find my place in it. I don't know exactly where it comes from, but I know that it should not be. There is nothing I can do, except live through it and continue to hope for the beauty that is on the other side. Tomorrow will bring greater things.

Mi Oficina Nueva

2007-05-30T06:17:00.001-07:00

Wow! Been a while since my last post. I've been home for over a month now so I'm not really sure why I haven't blogged anything. I'm sitting in my new office this morning which actually has 6 wheels and air brakes. This place is going to be home for about 4 weeks this summer. We'll be taking the beasty on a tour around the US commencing mid-June and returning mid-July. 5 guys on the open road in a 44 passenger bus with a new digital video camera spells trouble and I'm afraid for the craziness that will ensue. I don't know about you but I magically grow a huge pair as soon as the camera is rolling. It's as if the fact that the current moments could be captured forever creates a desire in me to make them better. Something inside is screaming to me that this is bad! No, not the camera, only the illegitimate prompting to make the best of moments. There is something awry with that but I think I'm just going to embrace it and see what happens. Look to the blogosphere this summer as I intend to keep you people up to speed on the current state of things in our mobile world of the West.

work work work PLAY!

2007-04-14T15:38:00.000-07:00

It's a been a good solid week......got a lot done but I'm getting bored and we know what that means! Woo Hoo! Swell is pumping off the coast but fading into Monday so I'd better get out there. I'll be unreachable til Monday morning or so.

As a side note: I love my life.....but I think it would be utter poopie without knowing the God who created me and all else. Being amongst creation and realizing who you are in light of who Jesus is really makes for a good day. I hope you can find this too.

Oh, oh and you guys need to check this! The village pastor's son/driver wrecked our pickup truck into a bull a week ago. Yes, I'm referring to the really big male animal with horns. Needless to say, I'm putting some miles on this ole beater bicicleta that I bought back in January. Oh well, I'm seeing this world in a different light all over again. It's amazing how not having a vehicle will change your life so drastically. The moral that I've learned is that we've really bought into this lie that we need all these things when we really don't. I thank God that I've risen above the commercial world that tells me I need all this stuff.......and that car had better be fixed by next week or somebody is going down! HA!

How do you hit a bull with a car anyway?

Waves aren't enough!

2007-04-01T12:02:00.000-07:00

Yep, still in Costa Rica and loving it. I finally surfed my first BIG waves this morning which has got my stoke up quite a bit. I was unfortunately sharing water with about 20 other surfers which kind of sucked but I still managed to catch a few amongst the crowd. The sets were ranging between 7-9 feet on the face of the wave. Wowsers!

Ok, switching gears. No one told me that Christ Followers who leave their familiar world to work on projects in other parts of the world are easily dried up......spiritually speaking. Ok, I might have heard it before but I didn't believe it. I expected to come on this trip and ride high the whole time, feeling as if God would be so close that I could taste him. Don't let me put this on God, it's not that I think he has left me or anything. I'm sure it has everything to do with me but it just feels like he's not around. I don't think the people that I live my life with back home understand their impact on my spiritual life. It all seems so natural at home. It's easy for myself and probably most of us to overlook the necessity of community. I don't want to get too mushy but you people at Visio Dei, my family, and there are some others, I address this to you: You are my life. I don't think you all understand how much you mean to me and mean to each other. You find out very quickly when you leave for a bit. Living in a foreign land away from the communal worship in Home Groups and on Sunday mornings is really hard. I've been feeling so spiritually dry of late. I've tried to fill this cup with Podcasts, worship music, surfing, and other adventurous activities. All of these things are great and even spiritual in nature, but having people like you around me is essential. Finding silence around here is hard too. My life has been very sporadic this whole month and I haven't been able to get into a healthy routine of prayer, worship, reading, etc. Josh and I talked about this at dinner last night and he filled me in on the fact many missionaries (for lack of a better word) experience this same problem. I suppose its good to know that I'm not alone in this but that doesn't change the fact that I'm struggling. I know that telling you this isn't as real as actually experiencing it for yourself, but you should look at the people around you tonight and this week and be aware that those conversations, those meals, and this life that you live together has great purpose and makes all the difference in your relationship with Jesus Christ.

To all my friends and family that support me (you know who you are): I miss you and very much look forward to being with you again.

Grace, Peace, and Pura Vida
alan

a welcomed vacation

2007-03-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

So we're stuck in Managua for a day or two as we attempt a vacation from our labors in Bethel, Nicaragua. We all have to get out of the country for a few days in order to renew our visas. Our translator Enrique is with us and Costa Ricans apparently have a problem with Nicaraguans and are making him jump through some hoops before he is allowed into the country. Every citizen of the entire world is allowed into Costa with only a form of ID excluding Nicaraguans, Guatemalans, and about three other countries. I don't get it!

We just spent about three days in San Juan Del Sur with my dad and pretty much surfed the whole time. Check this sweet picture of Josh sitting on a cliff with cactuses. We saw some that were twenty feet tall. I didn't even know there were cactus in this country. Other notables included driving through a river to get to our so called "resort". I also got pulled over twice in 5 minutes and Josh got out of another ticket not with money this time but by simply annoying the cop to the point of letting us go. Oh, and I nearly ran over a monkey as it crossed the road in front of us this morning. Ha! Who runs over monkeys?

Oh Canada!

2007-03-19T16:18:00.000-07:00

I’ve just spent some time with a group in Nicaragua called Three-Fold Ministries. Our organization is considering partnering up with these guys. I found the people to be incredibly warm and welcoming which is good considering they claim to follow the same Jesus Christ that we do. I’ve never really spent a lot of time with Canadians but I’m posting this on the internets so that you all may know that they are safe for your mingling pleasure. We had to run out to Managua to drop of some people and upon returning we were offered beers and/or rum and coke, yet another reason to love Presbyterians! I was very impressed with everything they were doing and just how well prepared they were for their events. We were privileged to witness their very first event that hosted the surrounding community. They used a Spanish/Vantriliquist/Comedy movie broadcast on a big screen to share the gospel message with the kids. The relationships that we build are so eternal and its really quite remarkable to meet other people from different parts of the world that have the same underlying heart……..to love God and love people. I’m sure that I won’t see most of them on this earth again, but it was certainly a pleasure and I wish them all the best in all of their endeavors, so long as said endeavors do not include one of their hockey teams beating our beloved Carolina Team. Let's Go Canes!

Islands of Adventure......yet far from Orlando

2007-02-27T09:52:00.000-08:00

Check out our accommodations from a little Island trip off the coast of Corinto, Nicaragua. We slept in hammocks under the thatched roof hut, although some were on the beach, and one of our Nicaraguan friends slept under a wooden canoe-like boat that was laying upside down on the beach. I wouldn't have known except that I was up early for the sunrise and noticed a foot hanging out from underneath it. We stayed on the sound side but I hiked across to find some great surf on the Pacific side. The only people that live on this island are my host-father's brother and his family. Pretty wild, huh?

Smiling at Corruption

2007-02-10T06:11:00.000-08:00

So Josh's girlfriend just had her gall bladder removed here in Nicaragua and her mom (like any good Mom), decided to fly in from Chile to be here for the recovery period. Josh and I were planning to take Pastor Antonio to the airport at the same time for his first trip to the States so it worked out well. Pick one up, drop one off, it was just a standard trip to MGA and back. That's right, I just called Managua MGA b/c this city has just thrust itself in airport code status. We all refer to Atlanta as ATL and Los Angeles as LAX. I can't help but delve out some love to this country that so desperately needs it. So, back to the airport run. Why do police officers around the world still think that aviator sunglasses are so hot? Yeah, we were pulled over twice on the way to the airport. First, for someone sitting on the edge of the pickup truck's bed and the second for doing 15 kmph over the speed limit. If you haven't done the conversion; 15 kmph is only about 7 mph. Who gets pulled for 7 mph over the limit? The first infraction was a 15 minute ordeal as the pastor began to accuse the officers of their own lack of safety (b/c this how you get people to like you in Nica) and then he pulled his holy god card (note the lack of capitalization) and informed them that he was bound for an Evangelical Mission to the United States and they had better let us go. I wish I could have heard this all in Spanish but I had to wait for Josh's translation. My only contribution was whether or not my bag of skittles would be an acceptable bribe for these two cops......josh thought it was funny. They let us go with no harm done other than the 15 minutes lost on an extremely time sensitive trip. The second cop would not be so forgiving. He went straight for his yellow book of tickets and it was 3 mintues and 200 cordoba later before we were moving again. I'll never forget that scene! An arrogant Eric Estrada wannabe, complete with aviators looking over his shoulder before taking 200 cords and then waving us onward. Ha! I love this country. The rest of trip was anything but uneventful as we handed over the keys to the Pastor's son El Gordo which simply means "The Fatty". This guy had apparently not driven in years as we learned the capability of our Toyota Tacoma's brake pedal. The pastors wife performed a test of her own on the strength of our rear windshield. Unfortunately, she used the left side of her face during the first excessive test of the before mentioned brake pedal. I was forced to laugh later as this collision was sure to leave a mark. I couldn't believe that she didn't break the glass! Don't worry, she was fine. We finally arrived with all of our limbs in tact at the lovely MGA. All of you can rest assured, El Gordo will never touch our keys again.

The Present on Purpose

2007-02-05T15:10:00.000-08:00

So I started thinking the other day that I am in some transitional phase of life right now and then I realized that I don’t even agree with the concept of transitional phases. This IS life isn’t it? Tomorrow’s life will not be different from today’s or yesterday’s. It’s not like today was practice for tomorrow. Every day counts and it’s all real. A person can be effective whether they are teaching first graders, having coffee with a friend, going to a movie, or even laying in a hospital bed. Jesus, save me from waiting on tomorrow. You have a purpose for me today and I want to live it. I will choose to live it.

as so with any thought, there is always an appropriate songline:

“and I know that I don’t wanna die, sittin around watching my life go by,
and what we’ll take from this is what we’ll get
and we haven’t quite figured it out just yet
b/c all of us are all too stuck, stuck to a chair watching our lives blow up.”

-Who said it?

We Are Them....

2007-02-01T12:43:00.000-08:00

I just got back from the great city of Leon where I had a lovely dinner and watched a movie (in English) with a few of my friends that are here with me in Nicaragua. The whole night was great except for one thing. As we walked into the theater there was a mother on the side of the street begging as her son lay on a couple of cardboard boxes with his head in her lap. I hadn’t given anything away thus far except for the last few swallows of a Gatorade so I gave her a dollar and continued on feeling only a small pain in my heart for them. I soon forgot about this as I bought some ice cream and entered the theater to watch Dejavu with Denzel Washington. Nearly 2 ½ hours later we walked out of the theater to find the streets deserted…..all except for this boy and his mother. The reality set in as we walked by and I considered giving them 100 cordoba which is 5 days wages for some Nicaraguans but less than lunch at Chick Fil-A for most of us. I didn’t go back to give them this money. Why not? Is $5 going to set me back at all? I sat in the back of our little Toyota Pick-up truck, facing backward as we drove away……all the while watching this pair on the side of the street. It hit me like a freight train. There was no difference between that mother and my mother, that boy and myself. We are equal in His eyes. I no longer saw this lady and this boy. I saw my mother and my head in her lap as I slept on the side of the street. I was all alone in the back of this truck……..and so I allowed myself to weep. God, help us to love the poor and oppressed. You are with them, and I am with you.

I Kill Roosters?

2007-01-29T09:53:00.000-08:00

First of all, I want you to know that there is blood on my face right now. There is blood on my shirt, blood on my shorts, and blood on my feet. How can you saw off a roosters head and then blog about it 5 minutes later on a starch white apple computer. I’m pretty sure that this one-two combo has never been pulled in the history of the world and for this I am proud. Let me tell you that my first night here was spent listening to a rooster crow all through the night. I probably slept for two hours max. Every night since has been an exercise in tolerance as I’m learning to sleep through the cry of these foul animals. You cannot understand the amount of hatred that I hold in my heart for every rooster that walks the face of this earth. I find it fitting that I was invited by my dear friend Crazy Connie to kill our lunch today. In a weird and unexplainable way; I have gained a new respect for this animal as in fact I have taken one’s life with my own hands. I don’t know why this is………..but it’s all quite poetic really, at least in this mind.

crazy trip!

2007-01-08T15:42:00.000-08:00

I just got back from one of the greatest weekend trips of all time. I set out with 4 friends to summit Mount LeConte in the Great Smokey Mountain National Park. I suppose it was just a normal backpacking trip except for the 5 guys in a veggie oil powered F-250, the hitch hiking, helping stranded motorists, and a drunk redneck named Butterfly.

We ate lunch atop Charlie's Bunion (Brandon pictured at left on top of Charlies Bunion) which was lovely. Summer Sausage, Beef Jerky, and Crackers. What more could you want, really? The scenery along every turn was phenomenal. I was quite impressed with my side of the country which I had begun to grow bored of. There was so much variety and there was green everywhere. As we summited Mt. LeConte; low level clouds moved in below us and began to push upwards from the East while fog began to spill over our heads from the West. There was plenty of room in LeConte's shelter but we decided to sleep on the front porch of a cabin that was smaller than a VW Rabbit. Four of us on the deck and one overhead in a hammock. The cabin was a part of a small rental village at LeConte which was completely deserted except for 3 guys and 2 girls who seemed to be shooting some sort of film. The guys had huge beards and were dressed like Amish people and I suppose the girls were supposed to be Amish too only they didn't have big beards so I couldn't tell. I hope our late night game of farting in the sleeping bag and then wofting it at your neighbor didn't keep them up too late. We laughed a lot that night. 35 degrees was pretty warm for January 7th but we were still pretty cold until we got into our bags which was only a matter of seconds upon finishing dinner. I think we were in bed by 7:30 or so which was so early but we didn't care. 12 miles isn't too bad when you're hard core but my core is not quite as hard as I should like and so I was pretty beat. The hike down the next morning couldn't have been any better. It began to rain only about 2 minutes after we left our porch/kitchen/bedroom. The rain was welcome as we had already prepared with Gore-Tex from head to toe. There was so much fog moving about as we traversed the side of the mountain and at times we would catch glimpses of the mountains across the valley and at one point there were about 4 knobs with fog sliding over and around them. It was amazing! We caught up with a few older guys as we made our way to a parking lot. It was not THE parking lot but only A parking lot. Our veggie oil machine lied in waiting only 5 short miles uphill. These two men were nice enough to give me a ride up to get the truck while everyone else stayed behind and cleaned up the Alum Cave Parking Lot. What conservationists they were! It turned out that at least one of those dudes was a Christian and he was stoked to hear about my Nica trip. I exchanged email with him and will be keeping him posted on the trip. Nate was an inspiration to me as he led the charge in pulling over to help two different roadside situations on our way back to Raleigh. The first was a broken down Chrysler New Yorker whose transmission was stuck in low gear. I got it unstuck in about 1 minute and we sent them on their way. The remaining ride home was fun to say the least as we took turns driving and riding in the back with all of the wet gear and vegetable oil. The conversation with Josh was good as we looked forward to our eminent departure. We eventually began to doze off until the truck swerved off the side of the road and came to an abrupt halt. Nate suddenly threw open the rear hatch and said, "you guys wanna ride with a girl for a while?" Josh and I immediately saw the silhouette of a woman running in the dark towards the truck. She was quite the redneck and introduced herself as Butterfly. I'm not sure if this one had been through full metamorphosis yet, but Butterfly it was nonetheless. Josh suggested that she ride up front so she could instruct Nate as to where she was going. It was dark and raining and she was walking on the side of a huge highway and I'm talking the "long stretches of nothingness" highway and she was soaked. Fish joined us in the back and Butterfly took shotgun with Nate driving and Brandon in the middle. Butterfly was so sure that Brandon was Nate's son although they are only 3 or 4 years apart. She was convinced that Nate wanted to offer her as a gift to our very dear friend Brandon to which he was flattered I'm sure. Did I mention that Butterfly's first question was, "do you guy's have cigarettes and can I drink this", as she held up a can of beer from her purse? She wreaked of alcohol already and Nate politely informed here that there were laws against open containers. She obliged him and decided to take four or five pieces of Fish's gum, which was on the dashboard instead. Nate dropped the gospel on her as he so readily likes to do and she returned her own version back to him. We were out of our way only about 10 minutes before dropping her off at her friends house. (yes, it was a single wide) We wish Butterfly the best of luck in all her future endeavors.

We finally arrived back home without spending a dime on gas and with some great stories to tell our friends and families. It was a great farewell trip for Josh and I with some of our best friends. I'm glad I have friends that make me better. Thank you God for your beautiful creation and for giving me friends that show me how to love you, and how to love your people better.

and God got a little crazy......

2006-12-23T19:04:00.000-08:00

So a lot has happened since the last time I posted. I was once talking about leaving the country to do some mission work and what do you know? I'm going. January 12th is my last day at Crowder after 3 years and 4 long months of faithful employment. God did some crazy things over the past couple of months to really show me that this whole thing was right. There are probably about three really solid things that I believe are pretty strong confirmations for me. I find it absolutely fitting that God didn't give me any of these messages until AFTER I had stepped out and really said YES, I'll go. Saying YES was really manifested in me talking to my boss about going which was the hardest part of the whole trip. I had always placed so much weight on my job and allowed it to deter me from doing something like this. I had bought in to this idea that working for one company for your whole life or at least a really long time and I have since taken said idea and stomped on, chewed up, thrown out, and proverbially peed it the whole thing. I don't mean to say that it is completely wrong to work for one company for your whole life, but to feel as if you 'have to' and to allow that to stop you from doing greater things is absolutely upsurd. I don't know why I felt like that but I'm very thankful that I have gotten over it.

So that said, My favorite thing that God did to show me that he was right in the middle of my decision to go to Nicaragua is the "Here Am" I shirt. When I sent my initial email to Vision Nicaragua's board to inform them of my desire to come I placed in the subject line, "Here Am I". I was a little hesitant to do this b/c it does sound a bit arrogant and although I can be that way I didn't want to purposefully place it into my very first email which was sure to make impressions on the people that would read it. So I went on with the email and forgot what I had originally placed in the Subject Line and then I ended up sending it just like that to the entire board of Vision Nicaragua and didn't think much of it after that. Well, nearly a month later; I was in my bathroom at 5:00 AM and I was getting ready to leave for the airport to catch a plane to Managua when I noticed the back of shirt that everyone wears as they travel to Nic with Vision Nicaragua. The shirt says in big capital letters, "HERE AM I, SEND ME". I was already blown away and I hadn't even left my bathroom yet. There was at least two other things that were pretty big time and I'll try to get to them later. Anyway, Christmas was good and if you're reading this; I hope your's was too.

later,
alan

Leaving maybe?

2006-10-29T19:54:00.000-08:00

So I just came home from my Dad's house where we had a great conversation about me potentially leaving to do some Mission work in Nicaragua. It ended with him praying and me crying. I was so overwhelmed with joy that I have a dad who is comfortable praying with and laying hands on his son. I was just thinking about how real God's gift of a great family was to me. It was as real as if He was sitting on my living room floor handing me a box that somehow contained the gift of a Father who loves and cares for his son.

God: Alan, Here is an earthly father and mother who love you. Here is security, Here is a job, here is an education, here are all the abilities it takes to be successful in this world.
Alan: Thank you Thank you......(much sobbing and tears) I love you....I think I said something like that. God, Help me to lead a life worthy of my calling......

Why? Why would God give me these things? I can't help but dwell on that verse that says to whom much is given, much is required (if that's even a verse) I WANT to give MUCH. God, What offering can I give you. I want to give you myself. What do you want with me? Where would I go?

Fill me with your spirit. Grant me the discernment to choose my path....and send someone with me if it be your will.

I love you,
Alan

Where go the Phileo?

2006-09-24T17:45:00.000-07:00

I have to begin by saying the reason for this posting is that I have had a very trying weekend. It's Sunday evening and I'm watching the Pats play the Broncos which is typically a great way to end any weekend. I usually feel like a have great friends but today I feel like I've got a bunch of dating or married friends which can be the friend of the worst type if you've ever been there. I say the worst type b/c you know how things used to be and perhaps you know that they may never recover from whatever relationship has captured them. Does anyone out there begin a romantic relationship and yet maintain a healthy and worth while relationship with their close friends, their close friends whom they have perhaps invested in for years and years. My best friend is married and in Seattle, Washington. He is great and I love him but his relationship can only provide so much from that distance. One of these guys has just moved about 45 minutes away, is in grad school and has a girlfriend. Another of my boys is becoming more and more involved with his lady and I hear from him less and less. I suppose at 26 I should be thinking about settling down but at the end of the day I don't know if that is where God wants me just yet. Visio Dei is such a great place but I don't feel very close with anyone. This may be God's way of drawing me in. I suppose if I was God I might do something similar to get my kids' attention. I'm pretty content as long as I've got plenty of friends around me. I suppose that is some sort of validation..........like as long as people call and want me to hang out then everything is cool. What happens when that is gone? It's like the song, "when the music fades and all is stripped away and I simply come, longing just to bring something that's of worth" I definitely want to bring something that's of worth but typically it's to the people in my life and it's not that it's a bad thing but what am I bringing to God's table? Not a whole heap here lately and that could be the reason for these feelings I'm having. If God wants more of my attention; then taking away some of the people that typically take priority over him would make a lot of sense. God, Is this what's going on here? I think I might know what you need me to do. Please give me the strength and the motivation to do it. Right now; it's more time alone studying and meditating; but in the near future this could mean more than just a little more discipline in personal prayer and scholarship. I have to go somewhere and do something. This thought tugs on me every day. I think it's the Holy Spirit and I believe that I will obey Him in due time. It would be nice to have someone to team up with me on this but if I have to go alone..........so be it. I've been meaning to write about this desire for a while but haven't posted. Look for me to pick this topic up again very soon. Until then; I hope that all of my impaired friends will drop these silly relationships and come back home where they belong! I'm just kidding but if a few of these stomach turning couples call it quits in the next few weeks; you won't here A-Dubs complaining. I'm about to crash so Alan is outie. Thanks for reading......

Father's Day

2006-06-18T20:23:00.000-07:00

My dad is everything to me. I suppose everyone is a product of their father, literally speaking at the least, but I am certainly much more than just a biological creation of the guy. He has without a doubt shaped me into the man I am today. I often find myself pondering my relationship with God and the only way that I can conceive how God feels about me is to begin with my earthly father. I have this song that I listen to by Yellowcard who happens to be a punk rock band that seemingly maintains good relationships with their fathers, which is a rarity among these punk rocker types. The song talks about how this guy thinks about his dad and him standing on the beach while he was really young and how is father towers over him. He says that he is still that same boy and "now I'm older I wanna be the same as you". The lyrics don't say it all but I am reminded of the times that I went to the beach and I can see the pictures of me holding my dad's hands while we jumped the waves as they crashed into the shore. My father's size at the time was a reminder that he could protect me and that he would protect me from any predator. I knew my father would fight for me as a kid and that makes it all the easier to know that there is a God out there who also loves me enough to fight for me. In fact he did fight for me, it was about 2,000 years ago (human being time) when God became flesh and lived among us. His death was some sort of spiritual ransom for many and I know that His sacrifice took care of the punishment that I deserve.

Dad, thanks for being my first clue in finding the truth of God. Thanks for loving me before I loved you and thanks for being trustworthy, honest, providing, unselfish, and for staying with Mom all these years. It takes a lot of commitment to stay with one person your whole life. and if you had left your wife; I would certainly be more likely to leave mine one day. I'm learning a lot lately about considering others better than yourself (Philippians 2:3) and if you think about it no one who considers others better than themself would ever leave their husband or wife. It is always a selfish move. I'm lucky that I've learned these things just because God decided to give me a great father like you.
I love you Dad!

~Alan

Gotta Love Vegas!

2006-05-14T12:17:00.000-07:00

Hey, This is me at Treasure Island in Las Vegas, Nevada. I posted this so I could add to the homepage. I picked it b/c the way I'm posing sort of makes me look built and let's face it, what guy doesn't want to look built? I should be ashamed of myself for saying that.......but I'm not. I actually don't even like Vegas that much any more but I guess I'll leave the picture up. Actually, there are a lot of things about Vegas that I do love but both times I've been I have left the place with this weird feeling of dread. I didn't really understand it until later but I'm very sure that the spiritual condition of the place has everything to do with it. If the spirit of God is inside me then it would make total sense that I would feel weird being in a place where so many bad things happen, (ie: prostitution, infidelity, fortunes being gambled away, materialism to it's greatest degree). I'll probably go back some day but I don't care if don't. I'd rather be in the woods where I can drop trow and pee anywhere. Now was that an entirely necessary comment? I'm outie!

later!

Blogger's Virginity......going going gone!

2006-04-30T19:50:00.000-07:00

So I was having a fine meal of Wendy's fast food tonight with some friends of mine and I made the statement that I needed to start a blog in order to capture these things called thoughts which have begun to so easily escape me. I would like to think that I think good thoughts or that I am capable of having thoughts that are worth revisiting so I think that this blog thing is more for me than anyone else but if you are reading then I thank you and I hope you find me as interesting as I find me. Excuse any hint of egotism but I think you need to have a great deal of respect for yourself if anyone else is going to and I happen to like me, I think I'm pretty cool. That said, I am a part of this ministry at my church in Raleigh, NC that plays a huge part in my life. I really can't imagine a better group of people to associate myself with. So anyway, my pastor Jeff Ramsey jefframsey@blogspot.com (if you want to pay him a visit) has a nice little post about men and the use of urinals which is from a few weeks back. Go check it out, anyway Jeff was talking a great deal about some basic Christianity which we in the realm of the Christian church don't quite get enough of. Sometimes I think we get cought up in trying to talk about something so new and cutting edge that we forget how badly we need to hear the core message of what Christianity is. If anyone in that audience (and I'm sure this is true) was not a Christian then they really should have gotten a very clear, relevant, and unadulterated picture of what it is tonight. Jeff layed out what is was to be a follower of Christ as beautifully as any human ever has before. CONVERSION; is it a moment in time or a process. Do you even really know it when it happens? What does Jesus say about it? or Paul or Peter? He kind of answered those questions but my favorite analogy was that of getting married and putting that ring on your finger. When you say I do and become a husband or wife for that matter; do you really know what it means to be a husband? Not really! You have a basic idea of what a husband is but you will be continually learning what being a husband is really all about. The relationship is ever changing and so it must be with God. I am continually learning more and more what it means to be a Christian, to be his follower. To know how long and how deep and how wide IS the love of Christ. I don't know yet; not so sure that I can know on this earth but, no less, I suppose I should continue to seek His will for me while I'm on this journey called life. All this talk about beautifully explaining the gospel of Jesus and I haven't even given it a shot. Well, here it is. That element of time that I mentioned earlier does seem to be identified as a very specific moment. A moment when one says in his inner being that I do believe that Jesus was God's son and that He did die and was raised again by God and I acknowledge Him as my Lord. That must be a grand thing in heaven when someone says this or something like this to God. Its like a son looking his father in the eye and saying, "I love you Dad, thanks for putting me through college" or a when a good friend picks you up off the floor, smacks you around a bit and says hey, "its just a girl mate, they don't know any better". Girls, don't get mad................everyone knows that you know better. Its like heaven and earth align for those moments when a human connects with this all-powerful force that created it. To quote Donald Miller, it's quite beautiful really.

So, I'm off to bed but I'll have to come back soon to explain why Boy's need Squirrel Coaches. That should be a good one.

Later Dudes,
Al